THE PUNK HANDBOOK

a guide for those who want to be original - just like everyone else

In the past couple years, a new uprising has taken place. Yes, folks, it's another Age of the Punk. Unfortunately, there have been too many imitators to truly explain the definition of "punk"... that is, until now. The following is a collaboration of two of the foremost authorities on the subject of being Punk. If you ever had a doubt as to the meaning of Punk, they will be squelched like Megan Cramm sitting on Jello.

In order to be a Punk:

• you must have at least 25 pins or buttons, or enough that they appear to smother your clothing and/or accessories.
• you must throw away all your old clothes; replace them only with Dickies, sucky band shirts, and anything from Salvation Army or Hot Topic.
• when at the mall, you may only shop at Hot Topic and Hot Topic only. All other stores are unacceptable, except for Sam Goody on occasion.
• when buying music, choose your music based on what shirts are in Hot Topic at the time.
• your shoes must look like crap.
• it is absolutely imperative that you do not talk to anyone oustide your group of punk friends, unless you are berating them.
• you must think that you are above all other people while maintaining an "I hate myself" attitude.
• two words: dramatize everything.
• if you are a girl, cut your hair short. If you are a guy, grow it long. Insist that it is because you are original and do not follow society's rules, just like everyone else in your posse.
• if you are a girl, you should be a closet lesbian.
• your pastime of choice should be getting drunk.
• key word: accessorize.
• make sure that you cake on makeup. You wouldn't want anyone to see what you really look like, would you?

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